My day started over again at around 8am. You see, I was supposed to be here at the hospital at 9, but I told everyone I didn't have to be here until 12 noon if I so chose. I wanted to enjoy a little bit of my morning and be able to play some Operation Flashpoint: Red River. My family and I chatted for a bit, I played games, drank coffee and expressed to my kid sister my love for someone and how the world sometimes doesn't seem fair at the time, but everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for us all and I definitely see positive things in the future. Then I packed my shit up and headed out to the hospital with my kid sister riding shotgun. My parents were supposed to go on a trip 6 hours north into Wisconsin and considered cancelling due to the fact that my body is puss and I have cancer. I wouldn't allow it. I explained that it was MY wish that they go and have a good time up north. They reluctantly agreed and took off around the same time we did. Once at the hospital a very nice older mexican dude took my car for me, my sister and I proceeded to the proper floor and got into my room. NOT FAIR! My nurse is fucking gorgeous. Like drop dead. I would kill for her. Perfect attitude, sexy looks, and of course she's a nurse, duh! I'll try and score a date before she leaves at 7:30pm tonight.....christ I've got balls for this one haha, as in balls to try and take her on a date. Damnit. Ok, truth be told I just hate being alone. I'm the type that needs a companion to share adventures and things with. I have the most amazing bestie ever and trust me, I will probably end up kiling for her. The only thing that's missing is a sensual sexual type of relationship. If that happened, I'd be set haha. ugh, and I'll bet she'll read this, txt me "wtf?" to which I'll respond with something witty. Anyhow, the tech is even a hottie, I really got lucky as shit. All that aside, they seem to care at CDH. I might have a few visitors, but I don't think anyone planned on comming to visit me. That's fine, as much as I need my squad of male companions, I sometimes work better alone.
And as I wait I wonder what food my sister is gonna bring when she comes back to visit, who might stop by to say hello, and of course if my bestie is gonna snuggle with me on this super awesome hospital bed!! That's all for now shitbags, come back later!
OK it's now like 7:22 and time for an update while I jam out to Enya. What? Enya is for fags? fuck you and your face.....because I just did HAHAH ok enough. Shortly after posting the last bit I jumped off my bed and knocked out 5 sets of 50 pushups (very tough) and 5 sets of 35 situps. Then I ordered lunch.....fucking A I ended up with salmon, steamed rice, chicken pot pie and potato salad! SWEET!! I am not really ready for a relationship, but yet here I go seeking one out with people I never would have like just a few months ago. A beautiful nurse. Oh shit, NO! NO RELATIONSHIPS! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BESTIE PUTTIN ME IN CHECK!! ugh. she also failed and let me go on a date with a fattie. Oh and that will be discussed in a bit, don't you worry, so take ur man pleaseres off the mouse and keep reading for now. I find myself in an amazing crossroads. A few years ago I silently wept every time I thought about my Army. I had it all figured it out and made a few poor choices. I never learned that it was in my decision making that I have squandered away so much of my life so far. My family go put on a back burner while I waited to go back into the Army, never giving it a second thought that "this is my only family". It hurts to go back, but this is a great way to get this weight off. Maybe I'll take this down soon I'm not sure. I chased that dream until the dream woke me up, and since then I was stuck in this sort of dream awake state where I wasn't sure if I was awake or still dreaming. I hurt other people, I lost friends, I made new ones, I hurt, I stopped someone from hurting themselves tremendously, I started to gain my faith back, I believed in our great nation once again, I lost faith in myself, I couldn't look in the mirror without feeling pain, I tried to change, I changed, I changed back, I changed again, I hurt more people, I hurt myself, I hurt my family, I stopped and took a long look in the mirror. I realized how much I have changed. I realized how much I need to change and fix. I will NOT fail. One of my drill sergeants once told me when I found myself the last in formation on a forced march "Plass WTF!!" as I had started to reply he said ever so gently ''SHUT YOUR FUCKING COCKHOLSTER! PLASS YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE THE TOUGHEST MAN IN THIS COMPANY? YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO DIE, GET THE FUCK UP THERE" I finished first in the march. Thats another story in itself of course. I used to never quit until the job was done, until everything was satisfied. I stopped caring. Now I care again, I care about everyone around me, and everyone that has impacted my life. It sounds crazy but I'm ready to be reborn. Once I'm out of this I have my plan.
1)Move to SoCal
2)Get Invited to DH Racing events
3)Get sponsored
4)Use those earnings and pay my family for all they've endured
5)Help a few soldiers get the things and help they need after they're out
6)Start a business (gym or bike shop)
7)Survive
If there's one thing I've learned, it's to truly take nothing for granted. When I kick a stone I wonder how many times that stone has been kicked and where it has come from. Just as someone on the outside will look at me one day and say, "I wonder how he rose like a phoenix from the ashes and survived it all?" The Mantis is dead, the Phoenix has arrived. I will not fail.
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